So I start my new job on Monday.I’ve been quite with posting caz’ I’m scared. What if I fuck this job up too. What if I cant handle the stress…what if, what if, what if.
What ifs will someday be my undoing. I keep trying to remember what a good friend told me. “You can do the thing, you can get the job. You can do anything.” She told me that right before they hired me. I know in my heart I can do this. But the nagging of failure is louder at this moment. I’ve spent the past few days trying to get prepared for this and its not been great. not awful, but not great either. When my mom gets home I’ll sit and have a chat with her. Shes always there for me. And can comfort me well. My dad is too, but in different ways. When he comforts me its more of a “you got this, dont worry about it, youll be fine, your tough” where my mom will be more gentle and soft with her words. I’ll need my dad tomorrow, today i need my mom.
Also my birthday is right around the corner and I’ll actually be 30. April is a tough month for a multitude of reasons. most I wish not to talk about. I have the right people to do that with. Right now I’m trying to take it a few hours at a time. And remember that I am not alone. I think today will be a cuddle pile of cats in my bed watching Dr Who. I need me an angry Scotsman to help the day pass. Also Pickles is demanding I cuddle. ANd this is a face i cant say no to.