I haven’t wanted to write much. All though I have so much to say, yet I am empty.
I spent less then 10 minutes at Sean’s memorial. I could not be around all the drinking and assumable drugs there. Also I know there is bitterness between myself and others. Drugs make us into monsters, and monsters do terrible things.
I remember my monster very well. I don’t know if its possible to forget her. Even if I tried. She looks back at me in the mirror, shes stalks my dreams. There will always be the knowing of what I have the capability to become. I will always have my demons. I can run from, that part of my life as much as I want, but something will always bring me back and remind me. It’s always the death of a friend, an acquaintance, or a child of a friend. Death always pulls people back. There are too many people who read this that I can not go into great detail of how I am feeling today. But I will be ok, I have so many people who love me despite of myself.
This quote keeps popping up in my mind, and I know its true, because I have.
I don’t think I can write anymore today. I think I will just make some tea and end my night. Its been a painful day of memories I did not want to remember. My heart feels a little more black today…