I’m speachless

Another friend died today from drugs. I am in awe, and I am heartbroken. Im just gonna leave this post from my facebook here caz I dont know what else to do….May you find some kinda of comfort now that this is over. With all my love, Sean. I will miss you.



I know I will regret this I’m sure but I need to say it before I respond to someones post and lose my shit. Forewarn, this is a rant.

I have been seeing a ton of posts lately about heroin and addiction and I have to say something. I am aware how insane this is right now. If you asked me 8 years ago if this is how I thought things would be I would have laughed saying “there’s no way heroin would get this popular and cause such havoc”. Seriously, shit was hard to come by when I was using. Or perhaps so it seemed, but it was never easy to score a hit. It is an epidemic, and its horrifying. The amount of people that have passed away in the last 2 weeks to an overdose is probably one of the most unsettling things I have seen in a really long time. But this blame the addict and talk shit about people with addiction has to stop. If you have friends that are using, try and get them help. Please do not just shame someone because they have an addiction problem. Please do not assume you know what its like. I want to smack the people who claim they had a little problem in high school but are fine now and cant understand why so and so isn’t. Because you are not that person. You have no fucking idea what it is like to be that person. Who do not know how they feel, you do not know what their life is like. Do not place judgment or claim “to know” if you don’t. I lost years of my life to my addiction. And though I have been clean for as long as I have it is something I still have to deal with daily. Just because I haven’t put a needle in my arm in 8 years doesn’t mean my addiction issues are gone. I still eat too much, or smoke too much. My addiction effects all areas of my life. It effects every decision I make.
Look I’m not asking anyone to ignore the issue at hand. The issue is that there is a drug problem of absurd proportion in this area. We need to help people not hinder them. And it is not easy to get help. The amount of red tape you go throw to get into a rehab or a detox is insane. And that’s part of it, but people need help after the drugs are gone. Relapse is a part of my story, if you are friends with me you know my story and I don’t need to repeat to you here now. But getting the after help was harder then getting off the drugs. There is shame and despair that can be so crippling after the drugs are gone. And for me it was worse then what I felt when I was using, and it was bad then. No one knows what it was lie for me, because no one is me. People who have an idea, is because I shared with them. I went to meetings with people who thought like I did, who knew the things I went through, because at some point, so did they. Please like go of the stigma: once a junkie always a junkie. Its bullshit. Complete bullshit. Have some compassion, show someone some love, and accept that people will stop when they are ready…not you.
End of my rant. To anyone who is offended, too bad. And to my friends who work as EMTs, my friends who are nurses, I love you all. I know your job is hard, and emotionally taxing. But I thank you, because for every 10 addicts you deal with one will make a change. I was that one, thank you for the love and hope you bestowed upon me when I did not deserve it. To those who are using, please reach out for help. Life is better on this side of the fence I promise. The work is hard, and painfully but the gifts that will come are amazing.


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